It was days like today that she wished for death the most. The type of day where it seems all she did was piss everyone off. Boyfriend spends most of the day in a party chat, playing a video game. She took the opportunity to do some drawing. She still sat next to him, still engaged with him the few times he spoke he spoke to her. That wasn’t good enough though. He still got mad that they didn’t hang out.
Her kids kept begging her to hang out. She gently told them no, stating she would hang out later but that she was going to sit with Dad for a little bit. Even though he was in a party, and playing a game, she still wanted to be present in the same room with him. Her kids were upset of course.
How could she win? What was she supposed to do? Drawing took away from her time with her boyfriend, and trying to sit with him took away from her time with the kids.
To her boyfriend, it didn’t matter that he was in a party, she should have figured out how to spend with him regardless. To her kids, Dad was in a party, and not paying attention to her anyway. So why wouldn’t she come hang out with them instead?
She knew from the beginning that she was going to piss everyone off. It seemed that was all she did anymore. Nobody seemed to care what she felt. She rarely ever got to just draw. She always had to sacrifice something she wanted for her family. She didn’t care, of course. It was just part of being the member of a family.
She lived for her family. They were her reason for everything. It hurt her, though, when she couldn’t have a little time to herself. She didn’t want much. An hour a day, at most. Was that too much to ask for?
She took a breath, needing to recenter herself. She was being selfish. There would be the for her to later, she only had so much time left before her kids would be grown.
One day, she would be alone. Now was the time to enjoy her family.
If only she could stop ruining it.
1.7562 Billion Miles 