My eyes burned. I didn’t know I had that many tears in me. My arms and legs felt heavy, and I felt completely exposed. I glanced around the room for the first time—really seeing it. It was the same room as always. I rolled onto my side and looked at the clock. It was ten in the morning.
Why wasn’t I at school?
Realization hit an instant later: Charlie had told me not to go to La Push.
The pain came hard. My chest throbbed, my lungs locked. I swallowed back the sobs building in my throat, barely keeping them down. Without Jake… I didn’t know how I was supposed to do this. He had become my anchor. My distraction. Without him, the pain was all I had.
Panic surged. I had to talk to him. I had to hear his voice. I needed to know how he was. I pushed myself upright and hobbled out of my room, using the walls to steady myself as I made my way to the kitchen. Charlie would be gone by now; it was too late in the morning for him to still be home.
I grabbed the phone and dialed the Blacks’ house. Billy answered after the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Billy, it’s Bella. I’m calling to check on Jake. How is he?”
“He’s no better, Bella.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Nothing but staying away.”
The finality in his voice was brutal. I fought back tears. I didn’t know how I would survive staying away from Jacob. I had come to depend on him in a way I hadn’t even realized. “What does he have? Did the doctor say when he could have visitors again?”
“Listen, Bella. I need to check on him. I’ll have him call you when he’s feeling better.”
The line went dead.
I crumpled to the floor, the receiver still clutched in my hand. The sobs hit instantly—deep, wrenching sobs that gutted me from the inside out. I was alone again. Just me and the pain.
***
Then I was in the woods.
I didn’t remember going back, but I was there, among the trees, surrounded by green and mist. I looked around, confused for a moment, until I remembered: I was supposed to be searching. Frantic, I began moving through the brush. What was I looking for? My eyes locked onto something in the dirt—a footprint. There had never been a footprint here before.
More followed.
Something about them pulled me forward, leading me deeper into unfamiliar territory. I didn’t stop to question it. I just followed.
Then the trees parted.
Sunlight streamed through the canopy in golden beams, and there he was.
Edward.
Beautiful. Impossibly beautiful. Shimmering in the sunlight. The glow of his marble skin shot prisms through the meadow. His warm honey eyes met mine as he stepped toward me.
I didn’t hesitate. I ran straight into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. He smelled like home.
He kissed the top of my head. “Hello, beautiful.”
My breath caught. “It’s really you. You’re here. You’re not… you’re not just in my head?”
“No, Bella. I’m not really here. This is your dream.”
“Please,” I begged, tears slipping down my face. “Please don’t leave me here again. I can’t take the pain.”
“I can’t leave the dream world, Bella. I’m only here because I needed to speak with you.”
“About what?”
“Remember our meadow?”
My voice cracked. “Of course I remember.”
“You need to go there.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m there. Waiting.”
My heart surged with hope. “Really?”
“Yes. I promise.”
“Why now? Why are you in my dream?”
“Because I had to talk to you. I couldn’t stay silent anymore.”
“Don’t go,” I pleaded as he began to fade.
“I’ll always love you, Bella.”
“No—Edward, wait! Come back!”
But it was too late, he was already gone.
I awoke to a pounding in my skull and a blinding white light overhead. My eyes burned, swollen from crying—or maybe from sleep—I wasn’t sure. Everything ached. My arms, my throat, my chest. Especially my chest. The dull throb there was more than pain—it was weight. Suffocating. Crushing.
I blinked slowly, letting my vision adjust. The ceiling above me was unfamiliar. White, sterile. A fluorescent panel buzzed softly overhead. I was in a hospital bed. A thin cotton sheet covered my legs, and my left leg—my broken leg—wasn’t in a cast anymore.
I bolted upright. Panic rose in my throat like bile.
Where was I?
A heavy sense of wrongness swept over me. My fingers clawed at the sheets. My body trembled. I didn’t remember coming here. I didn’t remember anything past the dream.
The dream.
Edward had been there—he had spoken to me. The meadow. He told me to go to the meadow.
Before I could make sense of anything else, the door opened with a soft creak. A woman in a pale blue uniform stepped in. Behind her followed a tall figure in a familiar navy blazer—Dr. Rayburn.
I stared at them, stunned.
“Good morning, Bella,” she said, walking toward the bed with practiced calm. “It’s good to see you lucid.”
I tried to sit up straighter. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the mental health wing of Forks Community Hospital,” she said gently. “You’ve been here for nearly two weeks.”
“No,” I breathed, shaking my head. “No, that’s not possible.”
“You had an episode. Your father found you on the kitchen floor, nonverbal, incoherent. You were sedated and admitted for your safety.”
My heart thundered. “I—I don’t remember…”
“You were in and out of consciousness,” she said. “We’ve been monitoring your behavior carefully. You’ve mostly been silent, with occasional moments of verbal outburst.”
I stared at her in horror.
“We’ve begun treatment,” she continued. “You’ve been diagnosed with acute depressive psychosis and emotional trauma-induced mania.”
My throat closed. “That’s not true. I’m not crazy.”
“You kept repeating certain things,” she went on. “‘Diamond skin.’ ‘Perfect voice.’ ‘Gone, gone, gone.’ You called out for Edward repeatedly. Your parents were… understandably concerned.”
The pain hit like a fist to the ribs.
“They thought you needed help,” she added.
Anguish ripped through me.
I clenched my fists. “Is my leg okay?”
“We removed the cast. The healing was complete.”
I sat silently, trying to make sense of this—of all of it. They’d locked me up. My parents had locked me up
I couldn’t speak. I just turned away, burying my face into the pillow.
“Your mother and father are both nearby. Would you like to see them?”
A long pause. Then I nodded once.
“I’ll arrange it,” Dr. Rayburn said, standing.
When she left, the wave of torment I’d held back came crashing through me again. I gritted my teeth and forced it down. If I lost control now, I wouldn’t get out.
A nurse came to help me walk. My legs were weak, barely able to support me. She led me down a hall to a small, sterile room with gray carpet, two chairs, and a water tray.
Charlie walked in moments later.
His face crumbled.
I stood shakily, and he caught me in his arms. “Oh, God, Bells… I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t apologize. You’re not responsible.”
“But I am. I let myself—”
“Stop. Just stop.” His voice cracked. “You’re here. That’s all that matters.”
We sat.
“I want to leave.”
He shook his head. “Doc says you’re not ready.”
“I am.”
“Let’s wait and hear from your mom.”
As if summoned, Renee entered, eyes red, face worn. “Sweetheart.” She ran to me.
“I want out,” I said immediately.
“Honey, Dr. Rayburn says—”
“I don’t care what she says. I’m not staying here.”
Charlie stood. “Bella—”
“This isn’t your life you’re fucking with ,” I snapped, anger finally boiling over. “You’re not the one trapped in a padded box.”
“I’m not letting you leave,” Renee said, firmly, her arms crossed and her brow furrowed.
“I’m an adult. You can’t stop me. You’ve had your time with me. You’ve poked around in my head, labeled me like a science project, and I’m done. I’m leaving.”
“You’re not in a condition—”
“I am. And I’ll walk out if I have to.”
“Bella, be reasonable—” Renee started.
“You had me committed,” I said sharply. “You think I’m going to be reasonable about that?”
She flinched. Charlie ran a hand through his hair, clearly torn.
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” I added. “I want out.”
There was silence.
Finally, Charlie sighed. “We should let her go. If we try to keep her here against her will, she’ll never trust us again.”
The door opened again, this time revealing another doctor. He was in his late fifties, tall, with the kind of salt-and-pepper beard that was probably meant to reassure people. His eyes were too knowing. I hated that.
“What’s going on?” he asked the my parents.
“She wants to leave. We were just explaining—” Charlie started.
“I see.” The doctor stepped forward, folding his arms. “Bella, you’ve made progress. But a few calm days doesn’t mean—”
“I’m done,” I cut him off. “You can’t keep me here. I’m not a minor.”
“You were brought here involuntarily under psychiatric emergency protocol,” he said gently. “The state gives us a seventy-two-hour window. You’ve exceeded that, but your parents signed consent for extended—”
“I’m not staying another minute.” I stood up too quickly. The room tilted, my legs wobbled, and the nurse reached instinctively for my arm, but I yanked away.
The doctor sighed. “Bella, you’ve been through trauma. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, but it does mean your recovery isn’t something you can control with sheer willpower.”
“I never asked for your analysis.”
He tilted his head. “You’re not ready.”
“I’m more ready than I’ve ever been,” I said. “I need to go. Today.”
Before he could respond, his pager buzzed.
He glanced at it, then frowned. “Excuse me.” He left the room, nurse following behind.
I paced the floor in small, furious circles, barefoot on the cold linoleum. Something about the interruption had changed the tone. My heart beat faster, not in fear, but anticipation. Something had shifted.
Ten minutes later, the doctor returned. His expression was different.
“Bella,” he said carefully. “There’s been a…call on your behalf. Given the circumstances, we’re approving your discharge.”
“What?” My voice cracked. “From who?”
He didn’t answer.
Instead, he handed me a pen and a clipboard. “Sign these. You’re being released with outpatient recommendations. Referrals for follow-up care. It’s up to you whether you use them or not.”
I didn’t hesitate. I signed. Running my fingers through my hair, I walked out of the room and toward the nurses station. The nurse looked up at me questioningly. “May I help you, young lady?”
“Yeah,” I sighed heavily. “Can I use your phone?”
She reached for the phone. “Is it a local call?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” She pushed a number on the pad as she handed me the receiver. “What’s the number?” I recited off Jacob’s number and prayed to God he would answer.
“Hello?” It was Jake. He had answered, and I felt a rush of excitement.
“Jake, oh thank God, please don’t hang up!”
“What’s the matter Bella, I’m kind of busy.” His tone was harsh and I instantly began to wonder if he would help me.
“Jake, I need your help. I’m at Forks Community Hospital; I need you come and get me. Please!”
“What are you doing at the hospital, Bella? And can’t your dad come and get you?” Shock took me. He had no idea what was going on. Charlie hadn’t told Billy. Why?
“My dad is the reason I’m here.” Panic seeped into my voice as the words flew out of my mouth. “I can’t explain everything right now, but please, I’m begging you, come and get me. I’ll tell you all about it I swear, but if I don’t get out of here fast, they’re just going to lock me back up in that room.” I was crying now as I waited for him to reply.
“Okay Bells,” he said after several minutes of silence. “I’m headed up there. I have to talk to you anyway.” He sounded so distant, not like the Jake I remembered. Just as I about to question him further, the line went dead. I handed the phone back to the nurse, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Thank you.” I leaned against the counter as I waited, keeping my eyes moving the whole time. I expected that Charlie or Renee or Dr Rayburn would show up and try to stop me, but no one came.
I walked over and sat in one of the chairs in front of the nurses’ station while I waited.
“Bella?” I looked up to see Jake standing in front of me. His hair was cropped short and he was even taller than I remembered. His face was guarded as he looked down at me. Without thinking, I forced myself into a standing position and threw my arms around his neck. He tensed up and put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away. “I’m just here to pick you up, like you asked—nothing more.”
My arms dropped to my side, and I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I studied his face. He was practically glaring at me, as if I’d done something terrible to him. I took a step back, his cold demeanor scaring me a little. For just a moment, his face softened and I could see the Jake I remembered in his eyes. Just as quickly, the softness vanished, and he was back to being the cold Jake I’d just met.
“Uh, thanks for coming, Jake,” I said, turning my back to him.
“No problem.” His voice was harsh, and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “Can we go?”
“Yeah,” I said softly, not looking at him. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
He didn’t respond, simply turned and headed toward the door.
The drive started in silence. Not the comfortable kind. Not the Jacob-kind.
“I missed you,” I said after a moment, hoping to spark something familiar.
He nodded but said nothing.
“You sound different,” I said finally. “You seem…off.”
Jacob’s knuckles whitened on the steering wheel. “You don’t know everything, Bella. You think you do, but you don’t.”
I stared at him. “Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
He didn’t answer. His jaw clenched. He looked like someone trying not to explode.
The road stretched long ahead of us. Forks trees blurred past the window. I folded my hands in my lap, feeling my fingers tremble. The cold shoulder he was giving me was almost worse than being alone.
Almost.
I turned away, eyes on the forest, pretending not to care as my heart splintered again.
“Listen,” he said after a few moments . “Do you want me to take you home?”
I shook my head. “No, if you take the 101 north to east 110, there’s a side road off to the right about a mile down. It dead ends at a wooded area.”
“What’s in those woods?” Jake asked, curiosity replacing his cold tone.
“A meadow.”
***
Some time later, Jacob pulled off the road without a word. He didn’t kill the engine.
The silence between us pressed against my ears like pressure underwater. I waited a beat, hoping he’d look at me, smile, say something—anything.
He didn’t.
“Thanks,” I murmured, fumbling with the handle as I opened the door and stepped awkwardly out of the car.
“Do you mind waiting, or…” I trailed off.
His knuckles tightened on the wheel again. “Can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” I asked, more bitterly than I meant to.
His eyes flicked to mine, just for a second. Something was there. Regret? Shame?
“I’ll call you later,” he said, but it sounded more like a dismissal than a promise.
He merged back onto the road before I could say anything else.
The car disappeared around the corner.
I stood at the edge of the road long after the taillights faded. The quiet wrapped around me like a damp blanket. I was used to the silence. But now, it wasn’t numbing. It wasn’t protective.
Now, it just felt lonely. Something had shifted.
The boy who had made me laugh, who had lifted me out of that endless, gray drowning—he was gone. Or maybe…he’d never really been mine to begin with.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach and tried to breathe through the thick tangle of thoughts that filled my head.
Maybe Jacob was tired of being the crutch. Maybe he finally saw how broken I still was and didn’t want to be part of the wreckage anymore.
Maybe this was the beginning of the end.
But wasn’t that what I had always known?
I’d told myself Jacob was just a distraction. A light to sit beside while my soul stayed lost in the dark. I never lied to myself about that.
But now that he was pulling away, even that light seemed unreachable. And I hated how much that hurt.
Was I being selfish?
He deserved better. Someone who wasn’t still looking for a ghost every time she closed her eyes. Someone who didn’t crave a voice that only existed in her head.
But knowing that didn’t make it easier.
I stared down at my hands, fingers curled like claws in the hem of my shirt.
Jacob was supposed to be my safe place. My anchor.
And now even he was slipping away.
Suddenly, I felt like I was falling again—tumbling back into that endless hole I thought I’d started to climb out of. The numbness hadn’t returned. Not fully. But now, the ache gnawed in a deeper place. Not just grief. Not just guilt.
Loneliness.
Complete, consuming, howling loneliness.
The forest loomed behind me, dark and uninviting. And yet, for the first time in days, I felt a pull toward it.
If Jacob was pulling away…
If I couldn’t hold onto him…
Maybe the answers weren’t with people at all.
Maybe they were still in the one place I’d been avoiding since the hypnosis. Since the screaming.
The meadow.
Maybe, just maybe, the truth I was still chasing was there. Maybe he was really there.
And if he wasn’t—
1.7562 Billion Miles 