-Edward-
“How long has he been like this?” Carlisle’s voice was soft, but the concern in it was sharp enough to pierce through the fog.
“A little under two weeks,” Alice said. “He’s been watching Bella from a distance. And then he suddenly came home, and he was broken, Carlisle. More broken then I’ve ever seen. He collapsed.”
They were talking about me. I remembered being there—silent, still, not even thinking anymore. Had that really been two weeks ago? It felt like a few hours. Or maybe an eternity.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Carlisle asked.
“I thought he’d come out of it on his own.”
A pause. “Can you see him coming out of it?”
Alice’s voice was confident. “Yes. He has to meet Bella in the meadow today. He’ll wake up soon—any minute now. I bet he can hear us.”
I could. But it was like being trapped underwater—watching the world above ripple by, unable to move, to break the surface.
Meadow. Bella. Why was I meeting her there?
“You made the call like I asked?” Alice asked.
“I did. But Alice, what’s really going on here? I thought your only visions of Bella in that meadow ended with the Volturi.”
“This one’s different. Edward knows what I mean. When he wakes up, ask him.”
Carlisle sounded skeptical. “Edward doesn’t have visions.”
He was right. I didn’t. At least, not like Alice. But this—this had been something else.
I let myself fall into it again.
***
The meadow – our meadow – was different, but unmistakable. She was walking toward me, quiet and cautious, until she saw me. Then she ran.
I caught her in my arms.
I held her like a lifeline.
She was warm, and soft, and real, and for a moment I believed it. That I was forgiven. That this was my life again.
Kissing the top of her head, I said, “Hello, beautiful.”
Her breath hitched. “It’s really you. You’re here. You’re not… you’re not just in my head?”
The next words I spoke were not my own. What was this?
“No, Bella. I’m not really here. This is your dream.”
“Please,” she wept, tears staining her beautiful face.“Please don’t leave me here again. I can’t take the pain.”
God, hearing her plea shattered something in me. I wanted to say something, anything. Make her a promise, but the words wouldn’t come.
Instead, more words that weren’t mine spilled out. “I can’t leave the dream world, Bella. I’m only here because I needed to speak with you.”
“About what?” She looked perplexed and scared all at once.
“Remember our meadow?” Why was I here? What did it all mean?
The way she spoke shattered me. “Of course I remember.”
“You need to go there.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m there. Waiting.” And I knew that I needed to be there, in our meadow.
Her voice was hopeful. “Really?”
“Yes. I promise.” It was the truth. I felt in my very soul.
“Why now? Why are you in my dream?”
“Because I had to talk to you. I couldn’t stay silent anymore.”
“Don’t go,” she begged.
“I’ll always love you, Bella.”
“No—Edward, wait! Come back!” She choked on the words, her voice pleading.
I tried to stay, tried to reach for her.
But I was gone.
Now, back in the present, I was still lost in darkness—but I knew I had to get to her. To the meadow. If I missed her…
“Carlisle,” Alice said, “you’re going to lose it when I explain everything. But we’ll wait until Bella’s here. She needs to hear it, too.”
“How long now?”
“Less than a minute.”
I fought to open my eyes. To move. Anything. I had to give them some sign. I couldn’t waste any more time.
I felt my eyelids being opened and then the bright light of Carlisle’s pin light.
“His eyes are black as coal,” Carlisle said. “He hasn’t fed in weeks.”
He was right. The thirst was fire in my throat. But even that didn’t matter. Not compared to what I’d put her through. Not compared to what I had to do to fix it.
“Edward,” Alice said playfully, “how many fingers am I holding up?”
I blinked. Slowly, the world sharpened. The living room. Forks. I was in our old house. My body ached like stone cracked by cold.
“Dammit, Edward. Do you have to ruin all my fun?”
“Sorry,” I muttered. My voice sounded like gravel.
“Here,” Carlisle offered a cup. “This will help.”
The scent of human blood hit me hard. I hesitated—just for a second. Then I drank.
“You got this from—?”
“The hospital,” Carlisle answered, already anticipating my guilt. “Sometimes there are practical advantages to being a doctor.”
I smiled weakly.
He disappeared again and returned with a larger container—animal blood this time. Mountain lion. I drained it quickly.
“Now talk to me. What’s going on? Are the others here? What about Bella? What about the meadow?”
“Slow down, Edward,” Carlisle said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Alice is the one you need to hear from.”
I turned to her.
Alice was tense, her focus tight. Her visions flickered and spun behind her eyes—Bella’s future vanishing and reappearing, the Volturi, fragments of danger and possibility.
“You’ll make it to the meadow in time,” she said. “She’s on her way. I can’t see her again until she crosses back onto our side. Until then… it’s all yours.”
I didn’t wait. I shot up the stairs, showered, changed, and sprinted from the house.
Don’t hope, I told myself. Don’t expect anything.
But I couldn’t stop the part of me that still wanted to believe.
The wind whipped past me as I ran, the forest a blur of moss and shadow. Every footfall brought me closer. Every heartbeat I didn’t have pulsed through my mind like a countdown.
She would be there.
Or she wouldn’t.
And either would destroy me.
What if she turned back the moment she saw me? What if she hated me too much to listen—too much to even look at me? Could I blame her? God, no. After what I’d done to her, I’d deserve it. I’d deserve far worse.
The image of her crumpling to the floor after Jacob’s disappearance still haunted me. That broken sob. The wild panic in her voice. Charlie’s helpless rage. It lived inside me now like a second soul, hollow and suffocating.
I’d told her she didn’t matter. That she didn’t belong in my world.
And I had watched her believe me.
I thought I was saving her. I thought the pain would fade. But I’d underestimated her, and I had underestimated what it would do to me to live in a world where her laughter didn’t exist.
I slowed, stepping lightly now. The scent of sun-warmed leaves and dying grass filled the air. I was close.
What would I find in that clearing?
A girl who still loved me?
A stranger with a guarded stare?
Or someone who couldn’t even look at me without flinching?
Did I have any right to hope she’d still care for me?
No.
And yet, I did.
Because loving her had always been the one selfish thing I’d never truly been able to stop doing.
If she screamed at me—good. I deserved that.
If she left without a word—fine. I’d follow her if she let me.
If she cried—I would kneel, and take whatever weight she gave me.
But if she forgave me?
If she gave me one second chance?
I would never take another breath without earning it.
I stepped into the shadows near the meadow’s edge and waited.
If this was the end, let it be.
If this was the beginning again—God help me, I’d spend forever making it right.
The meadow was dead.
The grass, brown and brittle. The trees skeletal. The wildflowers gone. The place we had once made our own was faded and forgotten, just like I deserved to be.
I waited.
And then—I heard her.
Footsteps. Uneven. Hesitant.
My heart would have beat if it could.
She stepped into the clearing.
Bella.
She wore scrubs. Her hair was limp. Her eyes tired. She looked like someone still fighting to breathe.
Our eyes locked.
I stepped forward, slowly.
She stepped back.
The pain hit me like a blade. But I stayed still. She was here. That was something.
We stood frozen in the clearing—just watching each other.
I drank her in. The sharp lines of her face. The way her hands curled at her sides. I could see every scar I’d left, even the invisible ones.
My voice wouldn’t work. My heart wouldn’t beat.
But she was here.
And that… meant everything.
1.7562 Billion Miles 